It Sinks In

Today is Saturday, September 7, 2013. I woke up early to make my Patrick breakfast before he left for work. After breakfast he helped me clean up and then, as often happens, we ended up in the middle of the kitchen wrapped in each other's arms. No words for a while. Just us.

And then he started talking. I won't share his words here because they are my treasures, mine alone, that I will keep always in my heart - but just know that they were beautiful and shiny and sprinkled with glitter and they smelled like roses and cookies and clean laundry. They made my heart feel SUPER big. You know that feeling: It feels so ginormous that it's as though your heart is trying to escape your body, pushing against your chest and your throat and making the back of your eyes burn. My big giant forehead vein was on full display, I'm sure. Yeah, it was THAT awesome.

When I met Patrick, he was convinced he would be happy as a bachelor for the rest of his life. Just like his Uncle Joe, who died in his 90s alone and perfectly content. Patrick hadn't pictured himself married to anyone, ever. He was just fine with that, until sometime in the past three years he realized he wanted to be with me for longer than a season or two (or even three) of drag racing.

Contrary to the ideologies of the earlier versions of myself, I have come to believe that falling in love - real, true, honest to God love - happens over time. Acknowledging that you're there is another story, especially for someone as logical as my future husband who found the very concept of love irrational. But he did fall in love with me, and I know exactly when his moment of realization occurred. That, however, is a story for another day.

The magnitude of where we are hit me today when he wrapped his arms around me and gifted me with those precious words today in the kitchen. I mean, it really hit me. I didn't cry when he proposed. I giggled, nervous and excited, and then I happily agreed that yes, I wanted to spend the rest of my life by his side as his wife. But today, today I listened to his tender words that I know he has never spoken to another, and I am struck by how much I love this man, and how very, very real this is. We aren't playing house, this isn't a fun little game of "let's pretend like we're grown-ups." This is it. This is forever. We found it. Out of all of the people on this earth, God chose ME as Patrick's partner for life.

I am fairly certain that I'm the luckiest girl on earth.