I thought for a long time about what I wanted to name this blog. I've started more than one blog in my lifetime, and each time it feels like I'm bringing a child into this world. What will it become? Who will it be when it grows up? What is its purpose? Will there ever be a final entry, or will I leave it open to grow some more? I never know at the beginning, and that gives both a sense of freedom and pressure. I've gone back and deleted entire blogs, wiped the pages clean without saving a one of them. I've also gone back years later and cringed at words I wish I would have wiped away. It is what it is, though. They were my thoughts at one time, and whether or not I kept them or erased them was my decision. There was a always a reason.
I believe that the truest purpose - for me - when it comes to blogs is journaling. I have kept a journal of some sort since I was probably right about 13 years old. It started with spiral bound notebooks, and I have a HUGE stack packed away to eventually join me in North Carolina. I'd start them and get bored with the color or my penmanship or the content (or my life, really) and then I'd stop abruptly, leaving half a notebook or so of blank pages. There are loads of blank pages in that huge stack of notebooks. Loads. I'm not sure what this says about me - or if I even want to know, really. Yet. Maybe someday.
When the internet became "a thing," I loved that I had a place to quickly and easily keep my thoughts. I can type a lot quicker than I can write, and the thoughts really flow when you can pound keys instead of scribbling in a frenzy. And... okay. There is some weird sort of enjoyment, too, in thinking that someone else is reading your private thoughts. It really is sort of vain. I accept that.
I have done some soul searching over why I really like blogging though, and I think it comes down to this: honesty and accountability. It's more than simply sharing. It's about a) being truthful with myself, b) being truthful with others, c) bringing the thoughts out of my head so that I can examine them and determine if they are healthy and productive, and d) owning up to those thoughts, both good and bad. I am who I am and I am where I am because of my own thoughts and the actions that came from them. I own that. Aside from those moments where the delete key got hold of me, I have written proof - so I have to own it.
Anyway. The name of the blog. It all starts with the name, and in this case I chose "Becoming Mrs. Topolinski." I feel that there is some clarification required, though. That fact alone may cause some to question my choice of title; however, I really LIKE the title. I don't want to change it. And because I don't have to deal with an editor's opinion in this forum, the title stays - but with this footnote:
**I'm not really "becoming" anything. I'm still going to be me. Marrying Patrick isn't going to result in a whole new me. I'm not changing how I deal with people, what I think, how I look, where I choose to let my mind wander, my favorite color, my taste in music/art/food/friends, my adoration of chocolate chip cookies, or my general disposition.
I am marrying the man I love and taking his name, but I'll still be me. He loves me for who I am. Equally as important: I love me for who I am, too. It was a lot of work to get to where I am today, and I'm not done yet. I continue to learn and grow, and sometimes I backslide and make super dumb decisions. But I'm always this girl right here, whether my surname is Rice, Wade, or Topolinski.
Monday, September 9, 2013
Finding the Venue
Not so easy. I have a vision. This is what I see:
A castle. Perhaps a lodge. Snow. Twinkle lights. Fireworks. Patrick. Me. The girls. A white dress. A small group of people we love. A short, meaningful ceremony. Light food. Cupcakes. Smiles. Laughter. Quiet background music. Connecting. Tons of pictures. A very nice night that is more of a wonderful party than a traditional wedding reception.
Ideas we've tossed around:
Castle Farms in Charlevoix, Michigan (my No. 1)
Northern Minnesota (his No. 1)
Destination wedding, Ireland
Destination wedding, Alaska
North Carolina (easiest)
My reason for wanting to get married in Michigan is simple: his family is there. Plus, it's just unbelievably beautiful there in the winter. And, well, all year long. It's a place that touched my heart, and I was overwhelmed by seeing Patrick in his element last year. I saw a side to him that I had never seen before. He welcomed me fully into his world, and that was monumental. Okay, maybe my reasons for wanting to get married there aren't so simple.
Castle Farms is beautiful, though. It seems perfect on the one hand with its location and unique beauty. On the other hand - it does seem a bit fancy. It's a little outside of what would accurately reflect who we are.
One place we both really like is The Lodge at Brainerd Lakes in Baxter, Minn. We have stayed there multiple times so we know we like it and are comfortable there. It definitely fits who we are. It's a little out of the way, but it's pretty and in a part of the country that we love. Plus.....
*Minnesota is where he first told me he loves me*
There is magic there for us, and there always has been. It seems like every year our happiest moments are made there.
This could be it, and we both agree it's a possibility (ah! one we agree on!). I have information from two places in Michigan and have requested information from The Lodge in Minnesota. Time for pondering and discussing!
474 days to go!
A castle. Perhaps a lodge. Snow. Twinkle lights. Fireworks. Patrick. Me. The girls. A white dress. A small group of people we love. A short, meaningful ceremony. Light food. Cupcakes. Smiles. Laughter. Quiet background music. Connecting. Tons of pictures. A very nice night that is more of a wonderful party than a traditional wedding reception.
Ideas we've tossed around:
Castle Farms in Charlevoix, Michigan (my No. 1)
Northern Minnesota (his No. 1)
Destination wedding, Ireland
Destination wedding, Alaska
North Carolina (easiest)
My reason for wanting to get married in Michigan is simple: his family is there. Plus, it's just unbelievably beautiful there in the winter. And, well, all year long. It's a place that touched my heart, and I was overwhelmed by seeing Patrick in his element last year. I saw a side to him that I had never seen before. He welcomed me fully into his world, and that was monumental. Okay, maybe my reasons for wanting to get married there aren't so simple.
Castle Farms is beautiful, though. It seems perfect on the one hand with its location and unique beauty. On the other hand - it does seem a bit fancy. It's a little outside of what would accurately reflect who we are.
One place we both really like is The Lodge at Brainerd Lakes in Baxter, Minn. We have stayed there multiple times so we know we like it and are comfortable there. It definitely fits who we are. It's a little out of the way, but it's pretty and in a part of the country that we love. Plus.....
*Minnesota is where he first told me he loves me*
There is magic there for us, and there always has been. It seems like every year our happiest moments are made there.
This could be it, and we both agree it's a possibility (ah! one we agree on!). I have information from two places in Michigan and have requested information from The Lodge in Minnesota. Time for pondering and discussing!
474 days to go!
Sunday, September 8, 2013
Setting the Date
After careful consideration, we set the date today.
The Topolinski Wedding & Celebration
Saturday
December 27, 2014
475 days and counting!
Saturday, September 7, 2013
It Sinks In
Today is Saturday, September 7, 2013. I woke up early to make my Patrick breakfast before he left for work. After breakfast he helped me clean up and then, as often happens, we ended up in the middle of the kitchen wrapped in each other's arms. No words for a while. Just us.
And then he started talking. I won't share his words here because they are my treasures, mine alone, that I will keep always in my heart - but just know that they were beautiful and shiny and sprinkled with glitter and they smelled like roses and cookies and clean laundry. They made my heart feel SUPER big. You know that feeling: It feels so ginormous that it's as though your heart is trying to escape your body, pushing against your chest and your throat and making the back of your eyes burn. My big giant forehead vein was on full display, I'm sure. Yeah, it was THAT awesome.
When I met Patrick, he was convinced he would be happy as a bachelor for the rest of his life. Just like his Uncle Joe, who died in his 90s alone and perfectly content. Patrick hadn't pictured himself married to anyone, ever. He was just fine with that, until sometime in the past three years he realized he wanted to be with me for longer than a season or two (or even three) of drag racing.
Contrary to the ideologies of the earlier versions of myself, I have come to believe that falling in love - real, true, honest to God love - happens over time. Acknowledging that you're there is another story, especially for someone as logical as my future husband who found the very concept of love irrational. But he did fall in love with me, and I know exactly when his moment of realization occurred. That, however, is a story for another day.
The magnitude of where we are hit me today when he wrapped his arms around me and gifted me with those precious words today in the kitchen. I mean, it really hit me. I didn't cry when he proposed. I giggled, nervous and excited, and then I happily agreed that yes, I wanted to spend the rest of my life by his side as his wife. But today, today I listened to his tender words that I know he has never spoken to another, and I am struck by how much I love this man, and how very, very real this is. We aren't playing house, this isn't a fun little game of "let's pretend like we're grown-ups." This is it. This is forever. We found it. Out of all of the people on this earth, God chose ME as Patrick's partner for life.
I am fairly certain that I'm the luckiest girl on earth.
And then he started talking. I won't share his words here because they are my treasures, mine alone, that I will keep always in my heart - but just know that they were beautiful and shiny and sprinkled with glitter and they smelled like roses and cookies and clean laundry. They made my heart feel SUPER big. You know that feeling: It feels so ginormous that it's as though your heart is trying to escape your body, pushing against your chest and your throat and making the back of your eyes burn. My big giant forehead vein was on full display, I'm sure. Yeah, it was THAT awesome.
When I met Patrick, he was convinced he would be happy as a bachelor for the rest of his life. Just like his Uncle Joe, who died in his 90s alone and perfectly content. Patrick hadn't pictured himself married to anyone, ever. He was just fine with that, until sometime in the past three years he realized he wanted to be with me for longer than a season or two (or even three) of drag racing.
Contrary to the ideologies of the earlier versions of myself, I have come to believe that falling in love - real, true, honest to God love - happens over time. Acknowledging that you're there is another story, especially for someone as logical as my future husband who found the very concept of love irrational. But he did fall in love with me, and I know exactly when his moment of realization occurred. That, however, is a story for another day.
The magnitude of where we are hit me today when he wrapped his arms around me and gifted me with those precious words today in the kitchen. I mean, it really hit me. I didn't cry when he proposed. I giggled, nervous and excited, and then I happily agreed that yes, I wanted to spend the rest of my life by his side as his wife. But today, today I listened to his tender words that I know he has never spoken to another, and I am struck by how much I love this man, and how very, very real this is. We aren't playing house, this isn't a fun little game of "let's pretend like we're grown-ups." This is it. This is forever. We found it. Out of all of the people on this earth, God chose ME as Patrick's partner for life.
I am fairly certain that I'm the luckiest girl on earth.
The Name Change
My maiden name was Kelly (Renee) Rice.
That name now belongs to my brother's wife, Kelly (Rita) Rice, which is the main reason I didn't revert to that moniker after The Big D (divorce..... such an ugly word. But sometimes oh-so-necessary).
For the past 22 years, I have been Kelly Wade. I will admit that it's a fun name. People love it. No one ever just calls me Kelly, it's always KellyWade, three syllables that roll off the tongue so easily - yet just freakin' make me twitch. Some friends have shortened it to a catchy and cute KDubs, KDub, or simply Dub. Others call me Wade. When I posted on Facebook - because it isn't official until it's on Facebook - that I was going to have the privilege of marrying Patrick Topolinski, one friend asked me if they could still call me Kelly Wade.
Um, no.
I get to be Kelly Topolinski, and let me tell you, I'm owning it. The day that I started this blog, I secured kellytopolinski@gmail.com to use as my future email address. I logged in and nervously typed in the desired name thinking this: NO ONE BETTER HAVE MY NAME! IT'S MINE!! MINE!!!! ALL MINE, I TELL YOU!!!! Kelly Topolinski cannot have an email address that includes her (soon to be) former name. That just doesn't feel right.
For now, I am still technically Kelly Wade. But if I ease you into this Kelly Topolinski business, maybe it won't be quite so confusing later. Right?
Right.
Friday, September 6, 2013
The Question
St. Elmo's Steak House, Indianapolis
Patrick had the ring for nearly two months before he asked me to marry him, and I had no idea he was planning to propose. A girl hopes and dreams - that's what we do because we're girls - but really, I had no clue it was coming. My future husband is a sneaky little devil! But in the best possible way.
I've been in love with this man for a long time, but I've loved him even longer. I know that sounds strange because for most of my life, I thought "in love" and "love" were one and the same. And I suppose the phrase "for a long time" is relative. I've loved him since I realized who he was and how he thinks and what matters in his life. I've loved his strength and intelligence and logic. I've loved his height and stature and eyes and gigantic smile. The falling in love was gradual, if I'm going to be honest (with both you and myself), and it probably took over a year before I felt it truly, madly, deeply.
Our relationship really doesn't fit the mold. It was not love at first sight, but there was attraction, mutual appreciation, honesty and, consequently, respect.
Truth be told, and I've told this truth over and over to whomever would listen: I kinda had to chase him. He's a very intelligent man, however. He knew what he was doing. If it weren't for the chase, I'm not sure we would be where we are today: About to be Mr. and Mrs. Patrick Topolinski, forever and ever. His careful navigation through the early days of our friendship and then our relationship paved the way for a level of trust and a deep appreciation for one another that I did not know was possible. Patrick was my closest ally when my world fell apart in more ways than one, and he encouraged me to date after my divorce, meet new people, and try new things. I dated. I met people. I tried new things. And he was a constant source of support throughout the process as I discovered who I was and what I wanted in life and love. Turns out I really did want him, it wasn't just a rebound or a new relationship to jump into so that I wasn't alone. By the time we committed to one another, I knew without a doubt that I wanted to be his wife. He is my perfect match in every way.
Our first kiss was, literally, the best kiss of my life. It was so charged with emotion and electricity that I actually saw sparkles. Then, in August of 2010, at Ike's restaurant in the Minneapolis-St. Paul International Airport, Patrick told me for the very first time that he loves me. It was the most amazing moment, complete with a well-timed delivery of fresh-from-the-oven chocolate chip cookies - I kid you not.
Three years later, he took me to St. Elmo's in downtown Indianapolis for the finest steak dinner and spicy shrimp cocktail money could buy. Just as I finished my creme brulee and he his chocolate cake that should have been cheesecake (don't ask), he pulled out a ring and put it on my finger. While looking me directly in the eye, he said this:
"I never want to be without you. I love you so much. Will you marry me?"
I had only dreamed of hearing him say those words. It had been my wish every time I saw a shooting star or watched the clock click over to 11:11. It was exactly what I wanted.
And so I laughed. And then I laughed some more. And then I questioned my hearing, reality, and my sanity and so I said, "Wait. What?" The absurdity of my own question only made me laugh harder until he smiled with those gorgeous eyes and said, "What's the answer?"
The answer is (drumroll, please)........
Yes.
Yes, my sweet, wonderful, charming, handsome, manly, dreamy Patrick. The answer is yes. Yes, I will marry you before God and the most important people in our lives. Yes, I will be your wife. Yes, I will live all of my life by your side. Yes, I will love you through sickness and health until death do us part. Yes. Oh, yes.
1 Corinthians 13:4-7
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Thursday, September 5, 2013
Another Blog
Does the world really need another blog?
No, but I do.
So I guess the intent behind what seems to be a self-promoting, narcissistic collection of spewed-forth thoughts is actually a concerted effort to maintain some level of sanity and as much clarity (and, hopefully, dignity) as possible while planning the biggest event of our lives. Although this is my second marriage, it will be my first and last wedding - and Patrick's, too.
Side note: Eloping to Las Vegas isn't always effective in the long run. Trust me, I know.
I want to do this right. I want to think things through every step of the way. I want to remain rational. I want to have the wedding of my dreams - the perfect mixture of traditional and unconventional.
I most certainly do not want to ever, EVER, let the planning and the dreaming and the wishing and the insane amount of money that it will surely cost come between us. Because really, that's just plain dumb. The Great Topolinski Wedding is about kicking off our happily ever after with a loving promise of commitment and a bad ass party. It's as simple as that.
I will let this blog serve as documentation for this journey, and I hope to be able to reflect back as needed to remain centered and grounded.
Count this blog as my personalized anti-Bridezilla vaccine. (You're welcome, Patrick).
No, but I do.
So I guess the intent behind what seems to be a self-promoting, narcissistic collection of spewed-forth thoughts is actually a concerted effort to maintain some level of sanity and as much clarity (and, hopefully, dignity) as possible while planning the biggest event of our lives. Although this is my second marriage, it will be my first and last wedding - and Patrick's, too.
Side note: Eloping to Las Vegas isn't always effective in the long run. Trust me, I know.
I want to do this right. I want to think things through every step of the way. I want to remain rational. I want to have the wedding of my dreams - the perfect mixture of traditional and unconventional.
I most certainly do not want to ever, EVER, let the planning and the dreaming and the wishing and the insane amount of money that it will surely cost come between us. Because really, that's just plain dumb. The Great Topolinski Wedding is about kicking off our happily ever after with a loving promise of commitment and a bad ass party. It's as simple as that.
I will let this blog serve as documentation for this journey, and I hope to be able to reflect back as needed to remain centered and grounded.
Count this blog as my personalized anti-Bridezilla vaccine. (You're welcome, Patrick).
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