Full Meltdown Status

I know this is shocking, but once we had decided the venue and even TOLD them that we had decided to use their beautiful facility, I had a really hard time actually taking the steps to finalize the process. Brandy sent us the contracts, including the separate contract for her services as our coordinator, and with the contract came the part about how you have to put down 50% of the venue cost and almost all of the coordinator fees. To see those giant numbers staring me in the face, well, to say that I was overwhelmed would be a massive understatement. Massive. Those numbers are big, and they are scary, and I don't have that kind of money just sitting in a coffee can on the fridge. Who does. AND they aren't even all inclusive! There are still the vendors to consider, and food and booze could likely cost a great deal.

Excuse No. 1:

I couldn't make our printer work. True story. Suddenly, and although I had used it for several other print jobs lately, it would not cooperate. It needed magenta ink, and it wasn't going to print anything not even in grayscale - until I loaded it with magenta. Dear printer, you make no sense. However, I was grateful for the excuse to not commit at that moment.

Excuse No. 2:

I'm just so busy. Who has time to figure out how to print all those pages, sign them, address an envelope, stamp said envelope, and then - gasp - take all the time to walk out to the mailbox and put the flag up? Who has that time?! Certainly not I.

Excuse No. 3 (and the beginning of the spiral towards meltdown status):

What if we suddenly and inexplicably have to move from NC before the wedding? Would it really make sense to get married in NC? Maybe we shouldn't get married there after all. That would be crazy. Life is uncertain. Who knows what can happen.

Excuse No. 4 (full on meltdown and the exposure of the root of the issue):

HOLY SHIT WE CANNOT AFFORD TO GET MARRIED. WHAT WERE WE THINKING? DID YOU SEE HOW MUCH THIS IS GOING TO COST? YES I WANT TO MARRY YOU, BUT NO I DO NOT WANT TO SPEND THOUSANDS AND THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS TO MAKE IT OFFICIAL. Let's elope. Wait. I don't mean that. I don't know what I mean. *tears* *tears* *tears* *tears* *sob* *sniffle* *more tears*

And then we talked. He told me that this is the most special day of our lives, that we only get to do this once and that we were doing it right. He told me, "You're worrying about the wrong shit, baby." To which I replied, "Well someone has to worry about it!" But he talked me through it, talked about how we could save in other areas to balance it out a bit better than it seemed at face value, talked about how we were already doing that. I don't even remember all that we talked about or exactly what he said, all I really remember is that even though I still felt scared about the money - terrified! - I felt like it was possible and that it was going to be okay. 

All of this in the Wal-Mart parking lot on a Tuesday evening as we sat in the truck watching people in jammie pants entering and exiting the store. Apparently people in NC wear jammie pants to Wal-Mart when it's cold out.

When we got home, we determined our budget and where that money was going to come from. He volunteered to print out the contracts at work, and the next day I called Brandy to give her the payment information and let her know the contracts were on the way.

Done and done.

I do remember one thing that he said to me that night in the truck. He told me that if I was going to worry about things to this extent, it was going to take away from how special our day was supposed to be. He's right. I don't want that to happen. This is supposed to be beautiful and special, and the whole reason we got a coordinator was to take away so many of those worries that I would surely be feeling if I was trying to do it all. It will be a challenge not to freak out. I truly see that now. But I so don't want to spoil this day - not for me, not for him, not for anyone. I want it to be memorable for all of the right reasons.

Deep breaths! 

We Picked The Venue!!!

Well, we loved Castle Ladyhawke. We really, really did. Unfortunately, it is just too much of a risk to choose the castle as our venue when it is so remotely situated and their is a possibility of the roads being snowy/icy. The deciding factor was when our tour guide admitted that while they can guarantee that their driveways and private roads will be salted and clear, they cannot guarantee the same for the roads leading in. That just scared the pants right off me. Our wedding is December 27th. It is likely that there will be snow/ice in the mountains. And even though that is what I really thought I wanted - a Winter Wonderland wedding - it isn't practical to ask folks to fly in and then drive 3.5 hours to MAYBE get to our wedding. That simply will not do.

And although we were wowed by many things about the property, it just wasn't a 100% YES for us. I never got the feeling that it was ours. I never could really envision it, not the way that I could at The Arbors.

So, after careful consideration, a few days of sleeping on it, and much conversation……

We booked The Arbors.

SO EXCITED!!!!! I can completely see it. It just feels so perfect! It's less than a half hour from our house, and we will be able to stay on the property in this sweet house attached to it. It won't be quite the same as staying in a Scottish-style castle, but it will still be amazing and beautiful. We also secured a wedding planner, which is a huge load off my mind, AND we did a full first-draft of the guest list, which tops 300.

Yes, we will be working on that. If we can get it to 100 (final headcount), then that would be a lot more feasible. The thing is, we know we will have a lot of folks who won't be able to come - but for those who CAN, we'd sure like them to be there. But what if you invite 300 knowing your space can only hold 200 (for example) and then 250 come?! What then? It would be crazy for us to have a strong turnout because our date is just after Christmas and because a good lot of the people we are inviting live in other states. But you just never know.

We are finding out that there are quite a few things that require quite a bit more thought than initially…. thought. One important thing we did was we determined our budget. I hope we are able to stick to it. In order to do that, we've got to seriously downsize our guest list. Even if we don't want to. How do people DO this?!

I never really imagined this part about getting married. I've thought a lot about different little parts of it - the music, what traditions to include, which to discard, the dress, the bridal party, the actual ceremony. But I never thought about having to determine who to invite.

Patrick wanted to put up a sign at the range that said if people wanted to come to let him know. I love that he wanted to open-invite, but I can't figure out how that would work with RSVPs and pay-by-the-head catering.

It's a good thing we still have a year to have everything (near) perfect, because every single thing seems to take quite a long time!

For now, I'm just so so soooo happy that we picked such an amazing place to get married. I cannot wait to say my vows to Patrick and to hear his in front of that beautiful fireplace with our families and friends there as witness. I can't believe I get to marry that man. I can't believe it. xo