Guests

I have all but begged my big little sister to attend the wedding. The guest list is becoming quite large, but there is a small list of those whom I really, really want to share this day with. 

My sister is on that list.

To sort of veer off and ramble for a minute: It's so strange, this phenomenon of wedding planning. Who are you really doing it for? What's truly important? Is it for you, or is it for the guests? And how many guests are you supposed to have? What's right? Who will feel left out? Would anyone? Would everyone? 

Really, if this day is for us - why does any of that matter? Anytime you do anything outside of yourself, though, people are invited to feel something about it. That's just the nature of life, right? I don't know, I guess I'm just feeling a little worried that the people I want to be there won't be there - except I didn't really realize that I wanted anyone to be there. Initially, it really was just about us. But then it became about who we want to share it with, this day that is the most special day of our lives together so far. You do want to share it. You do. I do, anyway.

I remember when I first realized how much I loved Patrick, I wanted to tell EVERYONE. I was so excited about this crazy awesome feeling and so excited that I was feeling this towards that particular person. 

Maybe it's a little bit of pride. "Look how smart I am to have fallen in love with this particular man. Isn't he best-ever?!"

Whatever it is, I want to share it. With the world, yes, but especially with the people who have been closest to me throughout my life.

395 days!

The Arbors

We ventured out this past Sunday to a beautiful venue called The Arbors. It is right here in our little part of North Carolina, only about a half hour (or less!) from where we live. I told him on the way there that I was going to fall in love with it and proclaim that it was perfect, simply because that is my style. But I asked him to please remind me not to commit to it because we had to go to Castle Ladyhawke first. I have this thing - I don't know quite how to explain it, other than to say that I fall in love with places, things, and yes, sometimes people, rather quickly. Immediately, in many cases. Patrick is much more methodical in that regard, but I jump right in with my whole heart. I love you, I love you, I love you "The Arbors." It's true. I fell in love.

We first viewed the pavilion, which was pretty, but not breathtaking. Then we went to the area that they call "the Main." It has an adorable little house with magnificent wood beam features inside. It's so wonderfully designed that I wanted to move right in. That would be where we would get ready for our big day, and we are welcome to rent the house for the weekend to prepare and also then to sleep the night of the wedding. We could even have a brunch there with the family in the nice kitchen.

Next to the house is a banquet type of facility that is just absolutely gorgeous. You walk in and there is light streaming through the many windows and there are big arches to the right made of stone. It brings stone and wood together so beautifully, and even sort of reminds me of a castle. Bonus! There is an oversized stone fireplace where we can get married in front of a roaring fire, and there is a fire pit outside for roasting  marshmallows or  keeping warm. Through the windows you can see a big pond and the forest all around. It's on 120 acres or so and is just stunning. I loved it. I did.

Next up is Castle Ladyhawke next Sunday. It's about 3.5 to 4 hours from our home, and the bar has been raised quite high. Show us what you've got, Castle Ladyhawke! Because right now I'm feeling pretty in awe of the Arbors.

This is nerve wracking! Yet thrilling! So so so so exciting!

The Hanger

I ordered a hanger for my wedding dress and received it a couple of weeks ago in the mail. It is a wooden hanger with a white bow at the hook, and suspended between the ends is my future name in a flowing cursive font.

The soft metal is bent so thoughtfully. It's beautiful and I love it.

Mrs. Topolinski.

Now I just need the dress!

Home

I have made it to North Carolina, and I have settled in quite quickly. It seems that the last time I was here, it became home. And I really didn't notice - until I returned this time and finally felt at home. Like, for real. None of that saying it and not meaning it stuff. This is home.

Part of it is probably that all of my things have arrived, and now our kitchen is completely assembled to include everything I could possibly need to make dinners and desserts and breakfasts and everything in between. Cooking and baking has a way of making a place feel like home, doesn't it?

But really? Mr. Topolinski is what makes this home. No amount of material goods or homey-type kitchen duties could make my heart feel the way it does when we are standing together, heart to heart, in the middle of what we now consider "our house."

He called me his wife the other day. I heard him. It was unmistakable, and I swear to you, it was accompanied by strains of Mendelssohn, or perhaps Wagner. :)

Another Castle

A long time ago, in a land that seems oh-so-far away, I started researching castles in the United States where you can get married. Well, I'm pretty sure I stumbled across Castle Ladyhawke, "A taste of Europe in the North Carolina Highlands," but I had kind of forgotten about it by the time there was actually a wedding to plan - probably because at the point when I was researching wedding venues, I really wasn't thinking it was ever going to happen. Oh ye of little faith. Now I feel a little ashamed for ever having doubt. As I look at this gorgeous, well thought-out, carefully chosen ring and the enormous promise of forever and ever that came with it, I wonder how I could have missed the signs. To be honest: the words were there, but it seemed too good to be true. Silly me. Look where life is taking me - no, us - now.

Anyway, so I re-stumbled upon Castle Ladyhawke, and we are going to take a tour in December! It's about 3 1/2 hours from our house in NC, and I'm very excited because it is the first venue that we actually have (so far) agreed wholly upon. We are both quite interested, and that is super super super exciting. It's the most possible of all possibilities so far.

The venue looks so beautiful, and you can actually stay in the castle. There is also lodging on the property, a sort of village, for some of the guests to stay as well. It seems really neat, but we will have to see what happens. If this isn't it, there will be another special place for us. It's just a matter of finding it. Funny how this was almost right under our noses!

On Becoming

I thought for a long time about what I wanted to name this blog. I've started more than one blog in my lifetime, and each time it feels like I'm bringing a child into this world. What will it become? Who will it be when it grows up? What is its purpose? Will there ever be a final entry, or will I leave it open to grow some more? I never know at the beginning, and that gives both a sense of freedom and pressure. I've gone back and deleted entire blogs, wiped the pages clean without saving a one of them. I've also gone back years later and cringed at words I wish I would have wiped away. It is what it is, though. They were my thoughts at one time, and whether or not I kept them or erased them was my decision. There was a always a reason.

I believe that the truest purpose - for me - when it comes to blogs is journaling. I have kept a journal of some sort since I was probably right about 13 years old. It started with spiral bound notebooks, and I have a HUGE stack packed away to eventually join me in North Carolina. I'd start them and get bored with the color or my penmanship or the content (or my life, really) and then I'd stop abruptly, leaving half a notebook or so of blank pages. There are loads of blank pages in that huge stack of notebooks. Loads. I'm not sure what this says about me - or if I even want to know, really. Yet. Maybe someday.

When the internet became "a thing," I loved that I had a place to quickly and easily keep my thoughts. I can type a lot quicker than I can write, and the thoughts really flow when you can pound keys instead of scribbling in a frenzy. And... okay. There is some weird sort of enjoyment, too, in thinking that someone else is reading your private thoughts. It really is sort of vain. I accept that.

I have done some soul searching over why I really like blogging though, and I think it comes down to this: honesty and accountability. It's more than simply sharing. It's about a) being truthful with myself, b) being truthful with others, c) bringing the thoughts out of my head so that I can examine them and determine if they are healthy and productive, and d) owning up to those thoughts, both good and bad. I am who I am and I am where I am because of my own thoughts and the actions that came from them. I own that. Aside from those moments where the delete key got hold of me, I have written proof  - so I have to own it.

Anyway. The name of the blog. It all starts with the name, and in this case I chose "Becoming Mrs. Topolinski." I feel that there is some clarification required, though. That fact alone may cause some to question my choice of title; however, I really LIKE the title. I don't want to change it. And because I don't have to deal with an editor's opinion in this forum, the title stays - but with this footnote:

**I'm not really "becoming" anything. I'm still going to be me. Marrying Patrick isn't going to result in a whole new me. I'm not changing how I deal with people, what I think, how I look, where I choose to let my mind wander, my favorite color, my taste in music/art/food/friends, my adoration of chocolate chip cookies, or my general disposition.

I am marrying the man I love and taking his name, but I'll still be me. He loves me for who I am. Equally as important: I love me for who I am, too. It was a lot of work to get to where I am today, and I'm not done yet. I continue to learn and grow, and sometimes I backslide and make super dumb decisions. But I'm always this girl right here, whether my surname is Rice, Wade, or Topolinski.

Finding the Venue

Not so easy. I have a vision. This is what I see:

A castle. Perhaps a lodge. Snow. Twinkle lights. Fireworks. Patrick. Me. The girls. A white dress. A small group of people we love. A short, meaningful ceremony. Light food. Cupcakes. Smiles. Laughter. Quiet background music. Connecting. Tons of pictures. A very nice night that is more of a wonderful party than a traditional wedding reception.

Ideas we've tossed around:

Castle Farms in Charlevoix, Michigan (my No. 1)
Northern Minnesota (his No. 1)
Destination wedding, Ireland
Destination wedding, Alaska
North Carolina (easiest)

My reason for wanting to get married in Michigan is simple: his family is there. Plus, it's just unbelievably beautiful there in the winter. And, well, all year long. It's a place that touched my heart, and I was overwhelmed by seeing Patrick in his element last year. I saw a side to him that I had never seen before. He welcomed me fully into his world, and that was monumental. Okay, maybe my reasons for wanting to get married there aren't so simple.

Castle Farms is beautiful, though. It seems perfect on the one hand with its location and unique beauty. On the other hand - it does seem a bit fancy. It's a little outside of what would accurately reflect who we are.

One place we both really like is The Lodge at Brainerd Lakes in Baxter, Minn. We have stayed there multiple times so we know we like it and are comfortable there. It definitely fits who we are. It's a little out of the way, but it's pretty and in a part of the country that we love. Plus.....

*Minnesota is where he first told me he loves me*

There is magic there for us, and there always has been. It seems like every year our happiest moments are made there.

This could be it, and we both agree it's a possibility (ah! one we agree on!). I have information from two places in Michigan and have requested information from The Lodge in Minnesota. Time for pondering and discussing!

474 days to go!